Egotistical King
by Haydron
Summary: AH/AU. I've known Edward Cullen all my life, and so far I've being doing grand under his radar. But one stupid remark about his weener and I'm back, loud and blaring. This can't be good.
1. Chapter 1

I've known Edward Cullen all my life.

Ironically, it's not a two-way system. Not that I'm loosing any sleep over it.

Even as a kindergardener, you could tell by the way he petulantly slammed his spade into his sandcastle and folded his arms stubbornly, that he was going to be a difficult child. Even then teachers and students alike couldn't help turning to face him when he lisped his "_S's", _like sunflowers seeking out the sun.

He had the whole population hooked and he knew it. As infancy gave itself way into childhood, his schemes of drawing attention grew more elaborate and vile. Instead of throwing temper tantrums, he resorted to making other people throw temper tantrums instead. And who should he happen to pick out as his first victim? Yeah, that's right. ME.

To be fair, I don't think he chose me specially. I just can't picture him as a six-year-old sticking pins into voodoo dolls that eerily looked like me. I shouldn't be so flattered. Back then, it just seemed the luck of the draw, that it was _me _who had to stay behind at lunchtime and hone my ABC with my energetic teacher of bright smiles and happiness.

"Now come on Bella," my teacher cooed. "That's it....say Aah...."

"A?" I blinked back owlishly, wondering why the hell she wanted me to spell it phonetically.

"Oooh good, Bella! Very well done!" she gasped, clapping her hands in glee. "Now say Beh..."

"B?" I inquired. Apparently the teacher still hadn't got the grasp that I knew the alphabet inside out, without resorting to phonetics. The resulting screech of happiness had me cowering into my seat as my hands subconsciously held out to clutch my teddy bear, still lying on my bed at home.

A cough from the doorway, had both of us craning our necks to peer behind us, waiting to see our interrupter. It came in the form of Edward Cullen, looking rather poorly as he coughed yet another pitiful attempt. "Miss..." he whispered.

"Yes Edward?" Miss Fremantle prompted, her eyes nearly bugging out in concern.

"I feel ill, miss....I wanna go home...."

Miss Fremantle was worried now. She chose to abandon me by the desk and went over to Edward, kneeling down so she could feel his temperature with the back of her hand. "Oh dear..." she fretted, "Your burning up...We need to pay a visit to the medical office, come on now Edward..." She got to her feet, reaching out to take him by his hand but at the last minute seemed to remember leaving a school child be herself in a classroom was not a good idea.

"Come on then, Bella. Let's take Edward to the medical office!"

She made it sound like we were going to the zoo. Her voice dipping just at the right levels to make the adventure sound exciting and dangerous. And what six-year-old wouldn't want to be a part of _that? _I jumped up, my pigtails bobbing and rushed over to Miss Fremantle's side, taking up her spare hand. Immediately, I chose to suck my thumb of my other hand in content as Mrs Fremantle squeezed my hand reassuringly.

Obviously Edward didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. So what did he choose to go and do? Why stick his pinkish tongue out at me and make his eyes go all cross-eyed, of course. And then he held Mrs Fremantle's hand even tighter and looked up at her with a dopey little grin.

I realised what he was trying to do, the moment Mrs Fremantle let go of my hand to hold both of his. By the end of it Edward was walking backwards from Mrs Fremantle ,holding both her hands and Miss Fremantle wasn't doing anything to resist.

It was then I came to the ephihany that Edward was the Devil. I didn't know about the Devil much, besides what I heard in Sunday mass, but what I'd gleaned out was that he was a bad, _bad _man who tempted good people with his wicked ways. Clearly that was what was going on here. Edward was tempting Miss Fremantle to caring about him.

I hated it. So much so that I ran to the side of my teacher and waited till his eyes flashed over to mine.

And then stuck out my tongue.

It was a cheap retaliation, but the only thing my simple mind could come up with. This surprised him and Edward stumbled slightly, his tiny steps suddenly all out of sync with Miss Fremantle. To compensate, he back-pedaled even harder to avoid Miss Fremantle stepping on his toes but the action went too far and he fell straight down, his small hands slipping straight out of my teacher's.

I was beyond elated. Ecstatic even. I began grinning foolishly as Edward blinked from the ground, looking ready to cry. I was so out of it, I didn't even notice Edward snitching on me until Miss Fremantle rounded sharply on me and demanded, "Is it true, Bella? Did you cause Edward to fall?"

I shook my head mutely, but wasn't clever enough to hide my feelings of jubilation just as fast. Instead Miss Fremantle caught my lopsided grin and she frowned whilst Edward watched with a wicked glint in his eye.

"You're in trouble," he mouthed and that did it. My slight body began shaking with rage and all I could see was red. I flew at him, ready to claw his eyes and ears out, and even if I was lucky his stupid smile. Not knowing that the consequent event that I will inadvertently cause will be the trigger for _the_ Edward Cullen to develop his freakish nostalgia on pissing people off.

How I wish I could turn back the time and re-write everything again.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Eighth grade**_

"Who is he?"

The dreamy quality of her voice had me looking up from A Midsummer's Night Dream. I was grateful for the distraction to get away from scouring Shakespearean text. Yeurkers. Instead I looked up and noticed that the new girl, Jessica, seemed mesmerised by an immortal listening to music on his ipod, at the far end of the library.

The slight glint of bronze had me raising my eyebrows in resignation.

"Oh boy..."

"Why do you say that?" Jessica was quick to pounce on my words, and I considered that maybe this girl wasn't as dopey as people said she was. I pulled out the chair beside her, and planted my ass firmly on the thick leather. Trying to ignore the scrutiny burning within her fiery eyes.

"Do you really want to know the truth?"

Jessica nodded. Of course she wanted to know the truth. It was foolish of me to think that she didn't care about egotistical thirteen-year-old boys. Deciding it was better she got the low-down from me than anyone else, I leaned in conspiratorially. Jessica unconsciously mimicked my actions, fixing my lips with a beady stare.

"That's Edward Cullen," I whispered. "I wouldn't bother with him. He thinks he's too good for the rest of us." And then I leant back and crossed my arms, satisfied.

"That's it?"

Jessica sounded disappointed, as if she'd rather been hoping for a tale about murdered lovers and revengeful ghouls. Considering Cullen over there looked barely old enough to scratch his bum let alone have a murdered lover, I let a smile play on my lips.

"That's it." I confirmed, "End of. Finito. Capiche. Now should we go canteen?"

* * *

_**Senior year**_

The last thing I expected when I opened the door into the girl's bathroom was the sound of sobbing drifting from the far stall. I considered leaving as quietly as I came, but before I could do anything the person gave a loud sniff and muttered, "Should have listened to Bella..."

Now you would be curious too, wouldn't you?

I stepped outside as slowly as I could, trying to close the door without alerting anyone inside that a stranger had been privy to their ministrations. Then after waiting a few seconds, I kicked open the door and strolled in just as I heard the hurried sounds of flushing. At least the sniffing had stopped.

Humming loudly, I strategically chose to wash my hands at the sink which reflected the last stall right back at me. Three squirts of hand-wash and yet no-one had come out. Maybe she needed a little encouragement? "God," I muttered under my breath. "Stupid janitors. Why they insist on closing the toilets in three minutes is beyond me. Fuck it. I'm just gonna stay in here the whole day until the police march me out...."

I allowed myself a secret smile as a door unbolted. Either this girl didn't want to be locked in or she didn't fancy being in a two mile radii of the police.

In the reflection of my mirror, I watched as Jessica Stanley emerged from her stall wiping her eyes. She paused when she saw me but yet managed to rearrange her face into a polite enough smile.

"Bella," she greeted and I swivelled around, a hand flying to my chest.

"God!" I gasped, "You scared me!"

If she was waiting for a moment to be bitchy, then this was it. But she blinked her eyes and the moment passed. And then she started crying. Again.

"Edward dumped me," she sobbed. "He was two-timing me with some skank down Peninsula Green. How could I have been so stupid?"

I almost felt pity for the broken girl before me. Almost as in being the operative word. Dimly I got a flashback to eighth grade and my particular warning of discouragement against her interest of Edward Cullen. I even offered to sit beside her in every lesson and lent her my Micky mouse shoelaces.

And then before I knew it, one year later she'd caught the interest of Edward Cullen and was too busy being his fuck buddy to remember that she'd left a faithful friend behind. Whatever Cullen and his friends had, that appealed to the vast majority of my school had me in bewilderment. Instead I joined up with a few elite people that had their sanity intact and became fast friends. So alright, Mike does try to make a pass on me once a while, but I'd rather him than a certain someone I could mention.

"So you finally discovered he's a man-whoring freak," I dead-panned. "Well-done to you."

And then since I was SO tired of seeing a girl sob her eyes over such a wanker, even if it was Jessica Stanley we're talking about here, I grabbed her hand and dragged her to the canteen. Chocolate milk always sorted out a girl's problems on a cold and windy day. Throughout the whole expedition, I guided Jessica. Even resorting to lending her fifty cents when her money wasn't enough.

Eventually we were seated across from each other and I leaned forwards conspiratorially.

"Jessica, stop with all the tears. He's not worth crying over."

At this she gave a particular loud wail. "B-But you're not the one who'd agonizing over his deceit--"

"Jessica, you need to get this through your head. He's. Not. Worth. It. He's a fucking banana. A loop-end. A nut-case. A jumping gorilla with two fat bogeys bigger than Saturn constantly rotating around his head. Edward. Cullen. Is. An. Ape. He'd rather fuck his mother then recognise niceties even when it hits him in the face--"

I was getting into my tirade, stopping here and three to regain my breath. It was only when I was nearing towards the end of my pep-talk that I began to realise that I'd lost Jessica's concentration. Instead she was staring behind me in horror, with her eyes the size of Venus and her mouth bigger than Mars. The uncanny feeling that someone was standing _right _behind me struck me then and I almost unwillingly tipped my head back until a six-foot-two Adonis entered my vision 180 degrees laterally inverted.

Shit. Fuck and shit again.

I righted myself and gazed into Jessica's eyes with something akin to panic. The lost, vulnerable look in them had gone and was now replaced by something uglier.

_The bitch is going to sell me out--_

"I swear this bitch just came up to me and started babbling all this shit. You know I love you, don't you Edward? I was about to slap this slut right up for talking about you this way but then I saw you and-"

"Shut the fuck up."

The first thought that came into mind was-- _Ooh, someone's getting shirty._

And then the enormity of the situation collapsed on my fragile shoulders. Fuck, what had I done? As far as Edward Cullen goes, he doesn't know I exist. I'd spent a decade trying to keep under his radar, but it seemed like the one thing that people took granted for (my niceness) was the one thing that landed me in this deep shit. This was the last time I was ever going to lend a symphatetic ear again, I was sure of it.

"So come on then," growled a voice. "Let's see the person who talks fuck about me. Stand up and turn around."

_So you can sock me one? No thanks._

"Err...I think you've got a case of mistaken identity. You see, I wasn't really talking about _the Edward Cullen, _as in y-yourself but more along the lines of the Edward Cullen who lives down my road and knows how I look in my underwear....So, err it's alright, I'll just get going on my way now and I'--"

All the while I'd been standing up from my chair slowly, leaning down to pick up my bag whilst hoping Cullen wouldn't kick me in the butt whilst I was at it.

"You lie. There is no other Edward Cullen in Forks besides me."

Jessica injected in a note of agreement. Before quieting down as Edward injected in a note of melancholyin his own. "And why the fuck would I _want _to see you in your underwear?"

Harsh. But I could handle a little harsh if it meant he wouldn't use Jessica to gang up on me. It was clear that the brief parting of heavens that I'd glimpsed earlier had been recovered by thick stormy clouds. This girl wouldn't help me even if I was the last person on Earth. Unless her beloved Edward ordered her too, of course. Luckily the table I had chosen was facing into the courtyard, and I could already see a few people arriving early to school. I spotted Ben, tucked in his emerald sweater, walk briskly by the window not looking into it once. So much for my silent prayer of help.

I decided to make a break for it, my only downfall being that I went to put my hood up along the way and allowed ample time for a fierce hand to grab me around the elbow and _twist._

Despite myself, I continued straining away from him but found it only applied more pressure on my arm. The only way I could relieve it was to turn 180 degrees so my body could catch up with my elbow.

Hazel eyes met darkened brown and recognition sparked in the former.

"Bella Swan," Edward stated firmly and then released me, stepping backwards. "I'll be seeing you in English."

_Fuck me sideways. I am a marked woman._

_

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**A/N: **

**I would love to hear what you think so far! :) Climatic, not climatic enough? If I manage to pass my next bio/chem exam a new chapter will be up within a week. Otherwise.....**

**I'm screwed.**

**And not in a good way.**

**Love Haydron xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

I considered bunking English. I mean, how hard could it be? All I had to do was pretend I was going to class and the moment no-one was looking, I could flee the other way! I've never bunked a single lesson before---normally choosing to blow off whole days at a time. What was the _point _in coming to school, just to miss _one_ class? I could be using all that gas to go Arizona instead.

But regretfully, I don't think Renne would be thrilled with the idea. God knows what "kinky" fun she and Harvey could be getting up to right now...

"Hey, Bella!"

The one thing I didn't want to hear, happened just I started heading towards the back exit. Fixing a strained smile, I turned and _glared _at Mike, ruining my masterplan without even realizing it. Either Mike couldn't see the death stare directed at him from this distance, or he didn't care. I'm betting the former. The boy seemed to revolve around making my life as_ pleasurable a_s can be without literally dropping to his hands and knees, tongue wagging.

"English is that way!" Mike jerked his thumb over his shoulder and I grimaced, running my fingers agitatedly through my hair.

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," I snapped and felt like crucifying myself when Mike actually began to look worried. Before he could inform me we've been attending the same class these past few months, I broke in exasperatedly. "I was _joking, _Mike. Jeez. Look I really need to run and get something from my car, okay? I'll catch you later!"

I swivelled around and started walking away again, deliberately missing out the part I was going to jump in my car and not show my face for a week. Hopefully Edward Cullen would've forgotten my face by then, and my life would have the semblance of going back to normal....

All hopes were tarnished, when I collided head first into something. I'd been so busy looking back and checking whether Mike was following me, I'd forgotten about looking where my feet went. "Sorry!" I gasped, clutching my nose. My eyes were watering pretty badly. Normally an apology was well received, so I didn't think much too it and began walking again--

"You should be."

I paused, mid-step and felt a trickle off apprehension slide down my back. God, no. Not now. Not when I was so close to my _escape. _I could literally _breathe _the freedom just a few corridors away and that thought was almost painful. Clutching my shoulder bag to my side, I turned and observed Edward standing in the middle of the hallway with both arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

Almost beseechingly, my eyes flew to the badge pinned on his shirt and groaned aloud. _Hall Monitor. _Yet another extra-curricular activity he could pick up for extra brownie points. It's not like he did much authority anyway. Not in _that _way. Normally the freshmen ran wild and he didn't give two flying fucks. It was normally sweet-milded Angela who chaperoned the little ones to their classes. Not because he forced her too.... but purely because she was the only _other _prefect around here.

And when it came down to it-- either the governing body believed Edward Cullen, perfect student extraordinaire or Angela, poor girl struggling to keep her grades up.

You know the type.

I'd been trying to recruit her for a while now to our gang, but so far efforts have proved wistful.

And now on the _one _day, Edward happened to be doing his duties was the _one day _I would rather he did not.

Greeeat.

"Oh, I was just going to the car," I bluffed, smiling queasily. "I've forgotten something in there and I need to retr-"

"No."

I couldn't help but be affronted. Just as I was about to let rip about just _where _he could shove that poxy little badge of his, I caught the glimmer of appraisal cross his face for a second. I cursed myself for letting him see the spark within my eyes. That's what made monsters like Edward Cullen tick....the idea of an _opponent, _be it big, small, tall, short. And I _really _didn't want him to get him excited right now....I've spent too much time studying him to know how this works.

I shout at him, he reports me to the principal. I shout some more and then he's hooked. Popping up everywhere and anywhere till you literally ran out of the gates, crying. It's happened before and it wasn't something I had a particular urge to experience.

So, I deadened my eyes and slumped my shoulders.

"Okay," I said quietly, whilst imagining sticking a stick up his ass and wiggling it around till all the shit came out. Edward caught my secret smile and immediately frowned, resulting in me trying to school my expression into one of indifference.

"Get to English. NOW," he barked and I jumped, rushing past like a dog with it's tail between it's legs. I wanted to kill myself right there. Just HOW could I let myself be treated like this? Was my aversion to confrontation so strong, I'd literally fuck him if he asked me too?

* * *

"I thought you weren't coming," Mike mouthed as I dithered by the door. Instead I watched my usual place be filled up by Eric, out for the count on my desk. It looked like even a hurricane wouldn't wake him. For the first time, I felt a grudge of respect working it's way up. I'd clearly told Mike a porkie earlier, and he'd been clever enough to figure it out. I should give him more credit, despite how ever many times he tries to shove his cock into my pants.

"It's okay," I mouthed. "I'll sit in Eric's seat."

Even though Eric sat at the back, it was right by the radiator. It wouldn't be so bad, I could even take a little nap to rival Eri-

A violent shove sent me to into the display board, as a blure of black walked past. I was so fixated staring evilly at Edward's back I didn't even realize he was heading to the beside the one I was gonna take-

_Fuck._

"Change of plan," I whispered as I grabbed a seat and wedged it into the middle of the aisle, beside Eric. "I'll sit here with you guys and work in a three."

Eric gave a loud snore.

"Thanks for that," I muttered and smiled breezily when Mr Tanners walked in, chipped mug in hand and a workload of papers bunched under his arm. He scanned the room as if trying to find fault and paused at us three, narrowing his eyes. Crap, looks like he's found one.

"Swan," he snapped. "Go sit in the back beside Cullen."

"But-"

"We're all writing a test," he announced to the entire class before zooming into me once again. "And Swan, doing it on your lap is prohibited. Any questions?"

A few waved their hands in the air whilst I flushed a blotchy red. Grabbing my seat I dragged it over to the back, feeling ready to bash it on Edward's head when I said "_Sorry" _and he didn't move. He was making this deliberately difficult. Huffing, I lifted my chair clear over his head and began squeezing myself to the window seat. All along telling myself to breathe and not lash out. Just one hour. Just _one s_tupid hour, writing a test and then I was outta here.

"Drop that on my head, and you die," his calm voice reasoned.

_Aw, there he goes again, ruining my fun! _Party-Popper.

"Well," I hissed, "If you had _moved _when I asked you too-"

"Since when did "_Sorry" _substitute for "Can you please move, Edward? I'll give a hand-job if you do...." His voice was sarcastic, his words bitter. What the _HELL _did he have to feel acerbic about? I was the one trying not to contribute to the suicide statistic over here!

"You sick bastard," I vented. "_You? _A hand job? _Per-lease. _I doubt you can even _fill _the palm of my hand."

Edward didn't say anything until I had sat down and all the tests had been handed out. Whilst I was trying to calm my blood pressure and focus on question 1- something about _weeners, _oh wait? Was my mind making that up?- Edward uttered-

"You should've kept your mouth shut. You do realize I'm going to make high school _hell _from now on, don't you?"

He was looking at me whilst he said it, and I almost got sucked into his spell. Because his glittering hazel eyes _did _look pensive and extremely sorry. And then his words sunk in and I stiffened as the grievousness of my situation hit me.

_Oh. My. God._

_I'm officially on Edward Cullen's radar._

_I'M SCREWED._

And that repeated over and over again in my brain, till the bell rung and everyone started to leave, handing in their tests at the front along the way. Eventually I realised I was the last person left, and I gave up. Flicking close my booklet and derisively slamming it on Mr Tanner's desk. I was nearly out off the door before Mr Tanners realised what was going on.

"Oh Bella?" he called. "Detention after school. Tomorrow. SF4. I trust you know the way?"

I nodded tersely, not giving him the graciousness of turning around and looking him in the eye. Instead I walked out into the near empty parking-lot and noticed my car tyres had been slit during the last time I'd checked it in the morning and now.

_You want a fucking war? _

I clenched my fists.

_You've got it, Edward Cullen. Hope your freakin' satisfied._

* * *

Reviews are very much appreciated. Things are heating up now. Edward Cullen's officially out to get her, and she wants to give as good as she's got! Bella knows she's gonna get ridiculed anyway, so might as well go out in style, right? :)

THNKS FOR READING.


	4. Chapter 4

_WOW. Thanks for that response, guys. BEST RESPONSE EVA. Here's a chapter to show my gratitiude :) _

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Declaring war on Edward Cullen had been a tad sight easier than I'd expected. But actually acting on it? Now, that was a different matter altogether.

"Ammunition," I muttered as I opened the kitchen cupboard, wrinkling my nose in disgust when a stale bottle of marmalade fell over. Great, so I was going to war, and all I was armed with was marmalade? What was I going to do? Stink him to death?

_"_Morning, Bella," someone greeted behind me and I jumped, instinctively grabbing for the spatula on the worktop. Figuring a burglar wouldn't greet me, let alone know my name, I turned bashfully and waved a meek hello to Charlie, who was looking bemused by the doorway. He looked quite scary, in that copper's outfit.

"I would give you a lift, Bella but my shift starts in ten minutes," Charlie said apologetically. "Swing by after school, and grab your car, alright? Jake would be thrilled to see you,"

I nodded, not wanting to show my annoyance over the Jake matter. He was two years younger than me, and was a sophomore for god's sake! The way everyone carried about this town, you'd be expecting him to drop on his knee anyday now, and propose me a marriage. _Right._ Just exactly what I had planned! To be hauled off to jail for attempting to marry an under-age kid. I bet Jessica would just _love_ to catch me in that position.

Speaking of Jessica, I caught her giggling at the back of the bus when it finally had the discrepancy to come around. For a nauseating moment, I imagined the glint of bronze beside her was a certain he-devil, but then I realised it was just Lauren's lipstick. Lauren, as in the biggest bitch of them all. She didn't like me much and I had the pleasure of repaying the same courtesy right back at her.

_Cullen wouldn't be anything without her,_ I thought snidely_. She was the one who introduced the idea you could be mean and still get away with it...._

A lightbulb began flashing over my head as a eureka moment pinged into my skull. _That's it! That's FREAKIN' IT! I cut off Cullen's support network! _

_But how? _

Somehow I don't think Lauren would listen to me even if I was her best friend. I mean, god forbid- look at Jessica- she's been yabbering on for the last five minutes and Lauren didn't even _seem _to know a world exited beyond those polished fingernails. But luck seemed to be on my side, when we finally rolled outside of school and Jessica and Lauren pushed past. Something fell out off one of their bags and unbeknown to me, I felt an urge to pick it up.

It was Lauren's lipstick.

It wasn't a brand I recognised, but seemed something only Lauren would wear.

An evil smile began playing on my lips as I stepped out of the bus, and surveyed the parking lot.

_Perfect. _

_

* * *

_

"Bella, what's that you're wearing?" Ben quinted in the overlight and I couldn't help but crack a smile, however stiff my lips felt. I played with my macaroni as I fixed him with a glossy stare.

"It's a new lipstick. Do you like?"

That adorable pink that singed his ears was beyond cute. Judging by how fast Ben had diverted his gaze and began blushing, I took it that his experiences with the opposite sex had been limited to the best. To Ben, anything outside his world of computers and gizmos seemed alien. And that included lipstick wearing girls, talking saucily.

Though even I failed to see what was saucy about what I had just said. Particularly since the only way to be heard over this din is by screaming.

_"_Come on, come on," I murmured as the clock twitched another agonizing second. Edward would be about five minutes away now, and the quicker I got off the lipstick the better. Before I had applied it, I had spent the better part of the hour, blotting it in Math. Anything to get rid of Lauren's icky lip cells. The last thing I needed right now, was to die of _bimbothermia._

Deciding I couldn't take it anymore, I got up chucking my salad in the trash along the way. Everytime someone glanced back to throw a double-glance, I covered my mouth in pretense I was coughing. I didn't want Lauren to come along and destroy my plan before it even started!

But of course, my plan went off better than expected. Just as I rounded the corner I bumped into someone. A deep grunt informed me that I had managed to bump into the required male. Before Edward had a chance to push me away, I let my lips press richly into the collar of his shirt, adamantly trying to ignore the deep earthiness mixed with salt invading my senses.

_Holy fuck, did he smell good. How was that even possible? _

And then before I could let myself sink into his heady scent, I stepped back and cupped my mouth, unsure whether the lipstick had been partially or completely printed onto his shirt.

_Let's hope it's the latter. _

_"_What are you doing, Swan?" he asked quietly. Almost warily. Why was he sounding, wary? Don't tell me my cover was blown!

I didn't answer, instead choosing to wipe off the remainder of the lipstick with the palm of my hand. _Man, this stuff was like permanent marker._ Lauren outdid herself when she bought this little nightmare of a lipstick.

_"Edward!" _

I shot a little look at him, trying to ignore the way his short was rolled up to his elbows. His eyes a beautiful hazel. I admired the way they clouded over slightly as Jessica called his name, before clearing just as fast. "Jessica," he greeted as his newly retitled girlfriend barrelled into his arms. He didn't hug her but he didn't exactly shake her off either. Lauren stopped a distance away, looking mildly irritated. By the agitated tip-tapping of her foot I knew she wanted a smoke.

It went without saying these parts.

"Come to lunch with us," Jessica gushed as she flattened out Edward's collar. Her fingers sub-consciously started circling the lipstick mark with her fingers, her smile wide. _Oh boy. _

"I could share my yoghurt with you, you'd like that, wouldn't you? A nice, creamy, strawber-"

Jessica finally noticed what her fingers were circling. She stilled completely, peering at it in total shock before whispering- "That's Lauren's lipstick."

_Well done sherlock. Now slap him... _

Jessica decided to slap Lauren instead.

"Ow!" Lauren cried, reeling back, a hand clutching the bright red mark on her cheek. "What was that for, you bitch?!"

"You fucking snogged my boyfriend, that's what," she snarled before darting out and slapping Lauren again. Lauren managed to get away in time, but not before placing a well aimed fist of her own.

Like any other fight that would start unceremoniously in the school halls, people immediately began to gravitate, watching in glee as Lauren and Jessica literally rolled around the floor having a cat fight. God, this wasn't going to plan at all.

I'd been hoping Edward would be the one on the floor right now, with Lauren admitting she's fucked him at some point or another to her _pal_, therefore severing any links between the two.

Because Jessica and Lauren combined, was almost as scary as Edward by himself. I should know. I study people for the sheer heck out of it.

"This is ridiculous," growled a voice and all eyes simultaneously snapped to Edward, glowering with such hatred a couple of people stepped back. "Jessica, we're _done_. Lauren, you may be a tight fuck but your nagging is enough to drive anyone around the bend. Fuck this, I'm outta here."

And with that, he was storming back the way he came, withdrawing his car keys along the way. With my keen eyesight, I noticed that he had a swiss army knife attached to his key ring. And I couldn't help but fume at how he had destroyed a perfectly functioning car all over again. Edward being moody was nothing new-- but the fact he'd just upped and left made me wonder if something or someone had pissed him off.

He seemed fine in english earlier. Even sent me a big fat smirk when I got a F and he got a equally smug B_._

Was he acting so angrily because I had smashed into him?

.....Or was it because I stepped back?

I discarded the thought as quickly as it had come, labelling it as absolutely horrific. _Just no freakin' way._

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* * *

_

Angela was a friggin' godsend. She had found me, just before the last period, and had asked aloud to why I was banging my head repeatedly against the bathroom mirror. I looked up and confessed everything. As I told her about the supposed "war" I was embarking, Angela's mouth grew more pinched and pinched, finally ending with a, "_That was you!?"_ when I mentioned the lipstick mark on Edward's shirt that had got Jessica all in a tizz.

The look Angela was giving me was almost uncomfortable.

"You mean, you literally snogged the hell-"

"No, no, no, no, _no_," I broke in horrified. "I just left an imprint when he bumped into me, and that was it!"

Angela stared at me contemplatively from the window sill she'd just perched on. She ran an eye critically over me and tapped a finger to her chin.

"What?" I asked apprehensively.

"If you want to do this right, there is only one way you can do this."

I was almost too scared to ask. But managed to muster enough strength to squeak-

"What is it?"

"You make him fall for you....and then you crush him. _Hard."_

_Oh dear. That sounded too ominous for my liking._

_

* * *

_

_So Angela has put forward a stonker of a plan....I don't think Bella's exactly happy right now^^ _


End file.
